MS has given me the chance (ok, it's forced me) to be a little more laid-back about life choices. It has made me take time to look at all that is going on around me before I commit myself to a course of action. Certainly in the past, when my lower limbs actually did something approximating to what I wanted them to, I would run freely with the herd.
Well, the debilitating nature of the condition - in my case, at least - saw an end to me being a herd-animal. And an end to running in general, come to that. But then something very odd started to happen to me (odder than bits of limbs going on strike) - I started to adjust my thought patterns.
I can almost hearing you saying 'coo' and 'get him' in a rather theatrical voice, but bear with me. I touched upon it in my last missive but one - that it's good to communicate - but communication is not just a two-way process, it's a multi-tiered two-way process. It's not good enough just to hear the farmer say 'stop or I'll shoot' - you need to assess:
- whether you have accidentally stepped onto his land
- whether if that's true then he might think it constitutes a risk of endangering his animals/crops/sheep (which could be either, I'm sure)
- whether he takes it so seriously he might really shoot
- whether he's not a sodding farmer anyway, but he does have a sodding big gun
Back in the pre-MS days I might have happily run with the herd but I bet I wouldn't have taken the time to work my way through all four of those scenarios. Okay, so I might still hear the trigger with a few words left to go through, but t least I would have been getting there. You never know, with enough practice I might start thinking of option four first.
In any case, it's a positive thought in its own way.
And that, in these more thoughtful days, is beginning to really get my goat (or sheep). I look back on my entries here and time after time they end up with positive thoughts. How can that be, though? I promise you all, fellow sufferers or not, I am sick and tired of the pain and the lack of mobility. I hurt and it hurts me not to be able to go and run it off. Or even sodding walk it off now.
MS need not be all dark and dire thoughts. Mostly I can smile and enjoy the very much darker humour that I share with often-shocked non-sufferers. But that doesn't mean I - or any of us - don't feel the pain and injustice of it all sometimes. And that may even be worse if we take the time to think of that one extra aspect, that one extra choice.
Maybe life does have a sodding big gun.